https://youtubetranscript.com/?v=2AtpVWzEzYA
Hello everybody, this is the first episode of Unfolding the Soul. This is going to be an interview with my beautiful guest Nodrick. We’re going to go try to unfold her soul a bit. You might know her from her podcast, which I participate in line by line. You want to say something about the podcast, Nodrick? Yeah, we are just discussing lyrics to songs, trying to analyze them through our own projections. Just enjoy a lot of really funny conversation in there. Yes, so what we’re trying to do there is we’re trying to give a certain approach. What does a song text mean to us? I want to extend that idea into these interviews that I’m going to do in my series, where I will try to create a way of looking at yourself and at other people that allows you to appreciate the value that they find in life and their meaning. I think that looking at people do that will slowly allow you to look at yourself in that way and thereby start changing your life. So, yeah, that’s my input. And so the topic that we’re going to discuss is Nodrick is a performer. She’s been performing the largest part of her life effectively in different ways. And we’re going to try and find out how that has formed her as a person. So, yeah, Nodrick, maybe you want to start off with a little bit of history. Like, what did you do? OK, so I’m a kid of very young parents. They had me when they were 20, both of them. And like since I was growing up, with a massive amount of people around me making jokes, having fun, actually. This is the environment I feel most comfortable in somehow. Like there was this memory of my dad being at the party, center of attention. And then he would scream out, there is my little girl. And get me like this tiny little ball of happiness into the center of attention. And I think that was the reason I was drawn to stage. But it’s a place of attention and love for me. And, yeah, afterwards, I would have to like change that around. So the stage would be something else. So would it be fair to say that in your youth, you got the sense of an ideal, right? Like this is how it’s supposed to be. And that you use that ideal to try and recreate that in later stages. Yeah, that was a pattern, right? You get in a center of attention and then everybody is becoming happier somehow, right? Because of you. And basically this idea was imprinted before. I don’t know if it’s ideal. It’s just a mindset that I was raised in. What I mean by ideal is something that you strive for, right? Like you try to capture again. Not at the moment, not as much as in the past. Yeah, that’s where I want to go, right? Like in the journey, right? So in the past that… In the past, that’s basically the only love I could receive. Is the attention of the crowd, per se. And I would be noticed in a kindergarten by a music teacher. And she would like single me out. It’s like, oh, that girl has a good voice, right? And then she would put me on a little chair and like, you sing and we will all cheer for you. Right? And then I was like, oh my God, again love. And they all are happy, you know? Like entertaining people is like… Yeah, so in some sense you found a gift, right? Like you found that you have had a gift. Something that you could provide to other people, but also that provided something back to you. I think everybody has this gift, right? Like everybody has this gift and just discovering it. Like they don’t need to use it, per se, right? I mean, like everybody has some sort of gift that they can give to other people, right? Some people give knowledge and others entertain people, comedians. But the desire to entertain a crowd… It’s just like, yeah, that’s… Oh, singing, that’s the thing that I can do that works best, right? But if I would not sing, I definitely would be a comedian or something else. It was not the gift itself rather than the desire to be in this crowd. Singing is the easiest one, I think. Yeah, you got to pick what suits you, right? So you’re talking about somewhat natural situations, right? Where the environment puts you on a pedestal effectively. And then you could perform and you notice that you have a lot of energy. And then you could perform and you notice that you like that. And then at a certain point, you made the decision, right? Like, now I want to go for this, right? I want to take lessons. So how does that work for you? Like, how did that work? I mean, I don’t remember the decision deciding to take lessons. Just like lessons found me in a sense, right? I was not trying to get a teacher. The teacher found me and he was like, okay, I’m working with that child. I’m training the child to sing, right? And singing itself, right? When you perfect your voice, make it better and better, you can hear it. You can hear the development. Like, you can hear the difference as opposed to what it used to be a month ago, for example, right? It gives a lot of dopamine, maybe. It gives a lot of positive self-view when you know that you’re becoming better at something. Like other areas of school, like math and stuff. I also was good at math, like really good. But I would not perfect it because so many things are not perfect. But I would not perfect it because singing was the first priority for me. So you… I’m just going to project a little bit. It feels to me that this was like the first area where you could like feel growth inside of you, right? Where you could be part of the journey of becoming what you were becoming. So that must have been like really strange in some sense. I just like, did you have a sense of where you were going? Or like, how did you form goals for yourself? Was that still brought by the teacher? Actually, I always thought I will be a bookkeeper. It’s the thing that I believed. And singing, even though I loved it, it’s something on the side, right? Like I always got this sense, even though you’re a bookkeeper, you can always be on stage in the evening, right? And I don’t even know why I wanted to be a bookkeeper. I think my teacher of mathematics told me, oh, you’re good with numbers. You should be a bookkeeper. And it’s like, okay, I guess I will be a bookkeeper. Like, it’s not something I really wanted. It’s something that my teachers told me. And I’m like, okay. I am a bookkeeper. I am a bookkeeper. I don’t think I wanted stage as much as I wanted to be the center of attention. And the center of attention, not in a negative sense, right? I had this feeling or belief in me that when people will listen to me, look at me, their life will be better. As arrogant as it sounds. I know it sounds the most narcissistic thing to say, but I had these memories where I would go in front of a crowd and all of those people have so many problems in their life. Like life was horrible for them. Like it was really hard time in the country as well. So all of those people would come on the Saturday concert in the local theater. And my teacher, whom I love to this day, like absolutely a wonderful person. He passed away unfortunately two months ago. He would stand beside me with his accordion. It’s like this instrument being this father figure for me, right? Bring me into there and say like, girl, go there and make their day better. That’s it. Like, you just go and make their day better. So I was not singing because I wanted to show how good I am. But the main motivation was to make day or day better. It was like a service I would do for a crowd, right? And then I would sing the moment I sing, I would see people crying, their eyes would light up. And it made me feel like a really, really good force in their life. For just like these four minutes that I’m singing, right? So this is the stage. This is the power of stage for me. No. That’s what I thought. Like if I would not be a singer, if I would not have a voice, I would be a comedian. Because that’s what I also see in comedy, right? People cope with horrible situations through laughter. And I know there are some jokes which you might say too soon or something, but those are the most funny ones, unfortunately. Because people cannot wait to hear something that makes them laugh, right? Yeah, it’s relief. So what caught my attention is you said, I went on stage with a specific mindset. I wanted to brighten their days. I wanted to be a light in their darkness. So did that change how you were doing things, having that mindset? As a kid, I don’t remember having much control over my mindset or memory of how it was shaped. To me, it seems like that was natural. Like that just happened. I just let it happen, right? Like I went with the signs from my teachers. Like they would say, you’re this, you’re that. Just go with it. Yes, I am. You’re this, you’re that. Just go with it. Yes, I am. Like I was a very agreeable child. Yeah, so if we take that way of looking at it, right? Like the teacher gave you inspiration, right? Like and you fully took that on you and you were able to communicate that to the crowd. He also gave me, accept the inspiration. He gave me the way I should look at it, right? He would tell me, art is the most important. Your art is not for you. Your art is for them, right? Don’t spoil it, right? Keep it in the level of, I don’t know, like good force of good or something, right? Don’t use it for evil. So you will have a talent. Don’t use it for evil. Like my teacher was an exceptionally good person. Like really good person. He helped a lot of children. Yeah, that’s powerful advice. Using what you do for good. So yeah, so that’s kind of your youth. Do you think you’re complete about the story, right? You’re growing up, growing into the act of performing. Well, so when puberty hits, I joined a band and I completely abandoned my teacher in a sense. Like I just grew out of it because he basically works with children. Like when I’m already a teenager, like let’s say 14, it’s different. Were you looking for something else? Like what were you looking for? Were you looking for something else? Like what were you looking for? I don’t know if I was looking for something. It’s just my crowd change. Instead of hanging out with my teacher, I started hanging out with people who play instruments. And like before that he was my band and afterwards they became my band. And yeah, I would keep the same mindset of brightening up other people’s day. But the music that we would choose changed drastically. It would choose like very rebellious type of songs. All right, so you’re rebelling against your teacher and then the teacher. All right, so you’re rebelling against your teacher and then you’re rebelling within the music that you’re using. So in some sense, like it was your way of going through puberty there, right? So I was growing out of this beautiful classical way of singing and to… Yeah, I really like my idols were Gwen Stefani and Gwenn Ips. Those girls. And I loved it. Like being in that mood. And you would still see your lighting up other people’s day. It just doesn’t feel as light though, somehow. It feels kind of darker and alcohol-involved and stuff like that. Fun though, like massive amounts of fun. Yeah, that’s what I was hearing. There’s an outlet of passion there, right? There’s some egg inside of you that you need to hatch and you’re using music to do that. Yeah, so I was definitely throwing out a lot of energy into the crowd. That was awesome. And those are, weirdly enough, those are one of my favorite memories as well. Yeah. And then? Right there. Right there. Yeah. I do remember the moment when it went too far and I was like, oh, no, I’m stopping myself. And I stopped myself because of my teacher, right? Like I remembered what he taught me. I was like, yeah, I’m not that. So you’re grabbing back to the past, this base, this grounding that you got from a stable person and then you’re in this situation where the social inhibitions from your peers aren’t as strong and you were able to grasp back to what got installed in you in your youth. So that’s really good news, right? And in some sense, you are asserting yourself there, right? It’s like, oh, no, no, I think things should be different, right? I can’t keep going with the flow because there’s something else that’s more important. I seen what happened to them as well, right? And I seen how moving forward, let’s say, and having wrong ideas about why they’re performing because somebody wanted to be rich and somebody just absolutely wanted to be on TV. They would pay a big price for that, right? I seen that happen. I was like, oh, no, that is absolutely the wrong way and too big a price to pay for a stage, right? It’s not like that stage was not important enough, but performing itself would be so ruined and poisoned for you that you would not be able to entertain the crowd again, right? You wouldn’t be able to have the same kind of positivity. Positivity is such a big word. Right. So I got the sense that you got an insight that if you’re continuing on the journey, you’re going to grab things from not on the stage and you’re going to take those widths on the stage and you got to maintain some type of purity, right? Where the corruption from the outside is being kept out. So I feel like the stage was sacred, right? Yeah. Stage and art was sacred, right? And breaking some moral guidelines for me would mean to me break the stage, right? It was not worth it somehow, right? Plus at the back of my head, I was like, yeah, but you’re still really good at math. So you should be a bookkeeper. So I did go to a university. It was like a financial kind of degree. Yeah. So that’s another big shift in your life, right? So now you’re your own person, right? Like you got to live outside of your parents’ house. There’s all of these transitions that you’re going. So how were these transitions relating to your music? You know what was easiest? People were like, why would you stop singing? And I know why it was easy for me to stop singing. It’s because it was not singing itself. It was the crowd, right? So even at the university, I would entertain the crowd. Even when I would work, I would put on a little show. If people are too uptight and angry, I would entertain this crowd. When I would talk to one person, I would try to entertain this one person as well. So I kept this kind of mindset going. So the stage was not anymore… I understood that it was not the stage itself, but the crowd. The entertaining part. So that’s how I became an entertainer, basically. I think personality-wise. MBTI test entertainer. Yeah, so I feel like what you did, you recognized something that you’re good at. A way to connect to people. Entertainment is in some sense pleasing people. You’re giving them what they want or a way to feel good. You saw this trick or this capacity, and you started applying it in all areas where you had social relations. But part of that, because you mentioned that you stopped singing. Part of that would be that you’ve chosen to give up the actual performance on stage, and now you’re just someone who performs in life. So yeah, what other effects did that have? This shift? Because the crowd was per se smaller, I stopped writing songs and music. I missed collaborating on creating something together with bands. That one was really missing in my life. But when I would form friendships or partnerships, I would bring that kind of experience in there. We initially end up creating something always with my friends. I don’t think it’s ever left me. So I feel like in that stage, there was also a retreat happening in some sense. There were all these roles that were being fulfilled, like the creation role. Being in a band is also a social structure that you can rely on. And all of these things fell away, and now you have to compensate for that in some other way. I see that reaching out in a relationship in a creative way is trying to revivify that aspect, like this value that you perceived in the past. So how did that go on? It still goes on. I’m still compensating for the lost stage. It never changed. So you don’t think there’s another phase? This is the same thing that’s been going on? I’m more grown up and calmer. In one way or another, even though it transformed itself, it’s still the same motivation and it’s still the same force. Apparently, the same kind of skills that I use to create, to write. Those grew, but essentially the same. They grew with me. Do you want to talk a little bit about how the growing affected your music or your thinking about it? I don’t know. Did you have major insights, for example, or shifts in how you were attending to it? Now I’m going to have to go to this place to develop my… Still the same process. I just have better skills to do it. I can write faster. But the process of writing a song is basically unchanged. The only thing I have now is just more experience. The rhymes would be better. It’s unchanged in a sense. I feel it. The initial motivation to do things stayed the same. Even though it changed its form. What does it allow it to change its form? Can you pick a skill that you learned and describe how it affected you? I can provide one maybe for you. We’ve written poetry together. You started getting a sense of the rhythm in the poetry. That started changing a lot for you. How you wanted to construct the poems for yourself. And how you were thinking about writing poetry. Maybe you want to explore that a bit. No. No? Okay. If you practice, it gets better. There is not much talk about it. Those are practice things. You just have to do it over and over and over again until it’s better. To describe how exactly it got better. People cannot know it in theory until they try it. Do you feel that talking about it is kind of like corrupting it a little bit? It should be left where it is? No. I just don’t think it’s something that can be described as words. This is absolutely experience. You can’t put words on experience. That’s completely correct. Okay. So, Diana, I think we’ve arrived in the now. With the now, we can start looking at the future. Do you have ideas about how you’re going to develop this stage thing? Do you have any dreams, any aspirations? Well, that one is a good question. Right? Knowing who I were and how I became who I am now, I definitely know that I will feel most useful to people if I am able to brighten their day when they’re in the darkness. Right? And that gives me an idea or a plan on how to move forward. Right? That’s probably why I also started the podcast. So, the podcast is explaining a thing. Right? It explains songs. Mm-hmm. And plus, if you hear many opinions on the same songs, plus jokes, it helps you to understand other people more. And I do hope it will bring some couples together. Because most of the songs we are discussing are about relationships. Right? So, I do see a value in it. Right? There is some service that I can do in there. Plus, the funny part, the jokes, putting things into perspective, laughing about the hard part. Like, I remember the episode we had on Apocalypse Day, the Judgment Day. And we were like, yeah, concert judgment day. And it was funny. People all fear that horrible judgment day and was like, let’s make it fun. And that puts a positive spin on it, even though a friend of mine called it heresy. But… So, yeah, this is really interesting to me. Because I sense that you’ve made a development where when you were young, you were just trying to be the light. And now I feel like you have a better sense of what the light is. Where, like, what role the light is fulfilling and how you participate in doing it. Yeah. It’s just like I became my own teacher. Like, oh, remember how you listened to the teachers and where they guided to. And now, since my best first teacher passed away, I became my own teacher. Like, I was like, well, you’re on your own now, girl. Like, you have to… You have to… You have to find your own way to help people and not wait for the teacher, like, to bring you on stage and like, you help. Do you get a sense of growth in there as well? Yeah, I do get a feeling that I was left on my own. I do get a feeling that I was left on my own. It’s not like he was in my life a lot. But just the fact that he was there. And now I feel like he’s not. Yeah, that motivated me to move forward and to do things. Somehow. Like motivation from a horrible thing that happened. I don’t know how to explain it. Well, I think people understand it. All right, like, when something big happens, right, we get confronted with how things are. And then we’re like, oh, jeez, I didn’t pay attention to that. Like, I should work on this. So I think people have had that experience. So, yeah, like, so you got this, like, oh, I want to provide the service to people. Right. So in some sense, you’re now more intentional in what you’re doing. So yeah, like, what are your hopes for the future? Like, where do you want to go with that? With the podcast or? Well, yeah, like, it doesn’t have to be in the podcast format. What do you think would be a way that you could provide most value? Yeah, to help as many people as I could. Would that be back on stage or would that be through a podcast? Whatever comes, whatever possibility there is. Um, usually I’m like, I’m going with the flow kind of person. So I would listen to the to the signs from the outside somehow. Right. Like, I always meet the right people at the right time somehow. So I will have to wait and find out. Like, so far, so far, the way I found. The way I found this podcast. So I’m doing that at the moment, but I want to see how it’s going. Yeah. And then I will just like, see what’s on the other side of this book that I’m reading. That’s a really beautiful way to deal with that. So I respect it. So I want to ask you, like, is there anything still alive for you that you feel that that wasn’t mentioned? Let me think. Is there anything still alive for me that wasn’t mentioned? Well, I think people should understand what really motivates them. Right. When there is a dream of somebody to have a yellow car. Right. This person, like, no judgment on dreams. Like, this person has to think why yellow? Why this car? Like, what was, what is the reason? Right. Right. And, and they are perhaps, they might find out what their purpose in life is. First dreams are connected to purpose, but they are like these sketches of shadow of a purpose somehow. Purpose casts the shadow somewhere in your mind. And then a person will be like, what’s the shadow looks like? Oh, I think it’s a car. Yeah. But the purpose is something completely different. Right. And just look deeply into your dreams. Why you, why you have them. Maybe that. Oh, so profound. No, I like it. That’s great. Right. So, so do you feel that you were doing that throughout your life or was there like a point where you started doing that and things change? Well, I mostly go through life without thinking much and planning much. Just like, again, step by step. But the moment I would stop myself and just kind of try to describe the situation to myself, right? Like I would, I would have to, to the point that I would take a sheet of paper and like that. Here I am now. This and this and these are the current circumstances. And those circumstances, why? And like, if I would analyze the current picture of my life, like I would do it from time to time, maybe once a year, something. Yeah. So it’s not that I started doing it even as a child. So I do it through all my life. Like the first one I ever did was when I was like three years old, I came to a mirror and I was like, okay, here I am now. I’m a person. I’m a girl. There are other people. Like I would have to kind of bring myself to where I am at the moment, like to remind myself of the, of the current situation. Like very short, you like you wake, woke up and then you had to remember in what body you are somehow, right? Like from a dream, like, oh my God, I’m not a night anymore. What? Where’s my horse? That’s like, oh, shit. Literally one of the dreams I had as a child. So that sounds like a really good practice, right? To, to ground yourself back into what’s going on so that you don’t lose sight of all the things that you’re engaged in. So I, I was wondering how did people figure into that? Like, how do you, how do you relate to people to try and figure out where you’re at? Is that a thing that you, you do? I mean, I just like attach a role of a teacher onto people. It’s like, okay, what, like here you are. And what is the lesson here somehow? Right. Also, like it makes it, makes it easier somehow, right? And it makes me see the people instead of. Um, uh, audience, my idea about the people, yeah. Oh, yes. Instead of the audience, right? Like, this is the person. What do I see in that person? Yeah. Maybe that’s a good thing to explore, right? Like, so, so, yeah. What’s the distinction between an audience and a person? Like, how does that work for you? I still have to think about that because, uh, for me, people, both people and audience, like, that’s how I can serve. Uh, in order to entertain people, I have to see what their needs are. So they’re all people to me. That’s why I cannot distinguish that that much, right? The all audience is my teacher. Uh, all of them are people. All of them have hurts, desires, bad days and stuff like that. So for me, I don’t think it’s distinguishable at the moment. Perhaps, perhaps I can think if, if people play different role. I think I just like say that, you know, I think I just like see them as this one whole thing. Or it’s like, if you go into a crowd of people who have a bad day, they’re not audience to me. Okay. They’re people that I have to make their day better. I don’t know how to explain that more. No, I think that was great. Like I, I do. So, so, so you, you, you feel like a spirit there, like an energy that, that requires something of you. And, and you, you respond to the call. Like that’s the way that I, I hear you describe. Well, many, many of things that you do in life, right? Where, where you’re trying to find something in the world to, to participate in and to attune yourself to. And again, no plans. Just like do what, what, what came to you. And just the main idea here is do, right? Like when people plan too much, they don’t do anything. The moment they start doing the things will start happening. And in a sense, get out of the hat, just like go with the flow somehow. Well, that sounds like an amazing advice to, to end up on. I, I really enjoyed the conversation. I hope to going through the conversation was also helpful for you. Like, do you think that was valuable? It was valuable. Great job for the first podcast. Really great. Why, thank you. And do you have any final words? Have fun. I will provide a notary information in the description so you can find out all about her. And also a little bit about me because I’m participating in the podcast. And I would like for everybody to leave as much comments as they can. I need input to figure out like which, which things work, which things don’t. So yeah, please don’t hesitate to give me feedback. Help the guy out. Yeah. This poor guy is like struggling with this beautiful story. Yeah. So thanks for watching and have a great life.