https://youtubetranscript.com/?v=eMmCI1PKSog
I did a lot of business consulting. I did a lot of work with people who were trying to develop their careers. I did a lot of strategizing around things like, I wouldn’t say raising people’s salaries, because that’s not the right way to think about it, but helping them develop the skills and confidence to maximize their economic potential and to develop plans around that. So, and one of the things we could zero in on that might be of interest to people is, for example, is negotiating a raise. Now, you said that you want to collaborate and find a better solution, that you talk with someone, not against, and that reminded me as well of the necessity of developing a joint vision. So let me tell you what we used to do in practical terms when I was setting someone up to have a conversation with their boss about advancement, including a raise. Sometimes people don’t necessarily want a raise, they want opportunity and they want advancement, and the only way they can conceptualize that is as more money. And so you have to get that straight too. So, you know, I said my principles were something like, it’s very difficult to negotiate if you are not in a position to say no, no matter what. Okay, so I would make sure my clients had their CV well-prepped, that we had filled in any gaps, that they knew the job market around them, and that they were ready and willing to look for another job if necessary. So then they weren’t terrified. Right, they weren’t taking themselves hostage. Exactly, exactly. Because, yeah, it also meant they had a better sense of their actual market value, right? Because that’s something you actually need to do if you’re going to negotiate for advancement or a raise. It’s like, well, what evidence? You can’t get a raise just because you want one. Everyone wants a raise, right? And you have to understand that your manager is dealing with financial constraints and the fact that everyone wants a raise. So you have to make a case. And then you might say you could make a case with a threat, and one threat might be, well, if you don’t give me a raise, I’ll leave. But generally, all you do is put people’s back up with an approach like that. You may need to have that in your back pocket just to make you confident. But my notion was, and I was dealing with people who either were credible or who had put themselves in a position to be credible, what they would deliver to the boss was, first of all, a statement of their value and a description of that. Because you don’t know how much your boss knows about the work you do, especially if you’re one of those people who does your work quietly and well and sort of invisibly. And that’s even worse if you’re agreeable so that other people can take advantage of your work and pretend it’s theirs. So the first thing you might want to do is make sure that your boss actually knows what you do without being chest thumping about it. And then you might say what it is that you could offer if you were offered additional opportunity. And that might be, you know, like the observation that if you don’t believe that you’re making what you’re worth in the market, that your motivation is less than it might be, or that you don’t feel that you’ve been valued by the organization. And so if you had a pathway forward, you’d be more committed to the joint goal that you share with your boss. And hopefully you have one in relationship. You have to make a case for what it is that’s in it for him too, and also, or her, and also ensure that if he has to go make a case to his superior, that he’s completely armed and ready to do that. So there was the, so you don’t assume that you’re in an antagonistic relationship with your boss. And if you are, and that’s intractable, then you know, it might be time to think about either a radically new approach to your work or a different job. But if not, you assume that you could present him with a solution. So anyways, those were some of the ground rules that we established. And so I’m kind of curious about how you might elaborate on that and what you think about that. And yeah, I love it. I mean, those are great ideas. Those are great, great starting points. And, you know, what I might add to the basis of that conversation, like the first part about, you know, having a resume, knowing what the market is, not taking yourself hostage. One of the things that I loved, that I learned from being a hostage negotiator is how to negotiate without a net. And my Harvard brothers and sisters would call that BAT now, what’s the best alternative to negotiated agreement. And that’s so that you release yourself of fears, that you don’t take yourself hostage. You can go in with no alternative and have enough faith in a process to just be engaged, to be curious, to listen, to discover the better outcome. And so the BAT idea or the alternatives idea is a good starting point if you feel like you’re taking yourself hostage. But what it really is, is it’s to create this psychological content and this logical construct so that you don’t freeze up, so that you don’t take yourself hostage. And as hostage negotiators, you know, we just never, theoretically we never had a BAT now, you know, you got to make the deal. You got to work it out and you kind of get used to walking that tightrope without a net and then it’s no big deal. But the principle to begin with is how to not take yourself hostage. And that’s a brilliant principle to start with. Give me some examples of what it would mean for someone in a practical situation or even in a dire situation to take themselves hostage and maybe a story or two about that and also some illustration of how you circumvent that error. Yeah, well, it’s like I don’t have a better job. I got to take this job. And I’m coming out of, you know, I did right after I left the bureau to sharpen up my resume and to create some better opportunities. And I went to Harvard Kennedy School of Government, got a master’s there, which is astonishing that they let me in. You know, very average blue-colored dude from the Midwest. And then afterwards, job market was horrible. Come out of Harvard, 2008, depth of financial crisis. I mean, no jobs anywhere. And one of my colleagues is a fellow student. He’s like, look, I’m trying to negotiate for a job and I got to take the job. There aren’t any jobs out there. And they’re going to ask me what I made in my last job. And it’s going to be half of what I need to make now. And I can’t answer that question. And I said, like, all right, so here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to go in with some great calibrated questions. Calibrated questions in my vernacular Black Swan method is not questions to get answers, but questions to create thoughts in the other side’s mind. Open their brain up a little bit. You want to get completely out of the concept. The fact that you don’t have alternatives doesn’t change your value to this company. And the fact that you don’t have alternatives does not change anything about their ability to pay you and how much you could contribute if you’re the right guy that gets dropped into the right job. And so you got to ask them what happens if you guys don’t fill this role. How can I be most successful for you? And how am I supposed to accept a salary that’s half of what I’m worth? You know, these are deferential questions. Okay, so let me ask you about that. So one of the things I want from someone that I partner with, and this would include someone I’m hiring as well, say, as a peer relationship, I want to know what agreement we can come to that I’m thrilled about, that I know they’re equally thrilled about. And there’s a technical reason that I want that. And I mean, there’s two sources of motivation, fundamentally. There’s goading by negative emotion, like pain and fear, and there’s enticement by positive motivation. And that’s usually associated with hope in relationship to a goal. And so for the gentleman that you just described, who’s feeling constrained, because he only has one option, which is take the job or leave it, and he thinks the only option is take it, he still has a question to ask himself. And this is a really profound question. It requires honesty. And the profound question is, what circumstances do I have to have in place so that I can devote myself wholeheartedly to this job? So how can I exit the interview and accept this new job, feeling that I have a landscape of opportunity in front of me and bereft of resentment? And that will require, if someone’s going to ask themselves that, that will require that they prioritize their needs and wants. And salary may be one of those things, but you could imagine that there might be other ways of even moving around that, so to speak, because you might be able to offer your new employer the following deal. It’s like, well, I’ll take a starting salary that’s less than I would regard as optimal or even necessary. But I want to know that if I hit a certain set of standards within a certain time, that there’s a pathway to improve financial returns that opens up to me that we all agree on. And you tell the person you’re negotiating with that the reason you want that is because, like, we’re not playing around here. We’re trying to negotiate optimal motivation. And I want to be able to assure you when I leave the motivation that, or the negotiation, that I am thrilled with the outcome. And because who the hell wants to hire someone who starts the job feeling like they’ve been taken advantage of and being resentful? That’s a really bad way to get things going. Okay, so you pointed out that your guy who thought he had to have the job still was in a position to tell his potential employers what it was that he had to offer to make a case for the value of his services and to point out what that is not only worth from the market perspective, but also in terms of his own motivation. Yeah, and there’s a fit issue, too. And like any other relationship, like a personal relationship, you know, business relationship, close relationship, significant other, you got to get a fit. And my favorite question actually is to ask in job interviews, every job interview and every annual review. Talk to me by a friend of mine who’s Tom McCabe, extraordinarily successful guy, CEO of an international bank. We talked about this extensively, we went to high school together. His question is, how can I be guaranteed to be involved in projects that are critical to the strategic future of this organization? And I said before the calibrated question is designed to trigger thought. That question immediately changes their perspective of you when you ask it. Of you when you ask it. Like you’re telling them, look, I want to advance everybody’s life here. I want to play in a big game. I want to be with the people that are at the highest levels of performance in your company. And I want to move everybody forward with that one question. And it completely changes the outcome because then it’s not just what your skill set is for this particular job. Maybe they got a job for you in a mailroom. But you want to you want to be the head of the division. And you want to know how to get there and you want to get there by succeeding and taking everybody with you. Now that’s a completely that’s a game changing conversation. It’s a completely different conversation. Maybe they they they thought they were bringing somebody in to push a mail card around. And now you’re somebody that says, yeah, not only will I do the little jobs to learn this from the bottom up. But I want I want to make everybody’s life better. I want to help everybody succeed. Now I’m willing to learn. I’m coachable. Now it’s a different conversation.