https://youtubetranscript.com/?v=DCqlv0Hg2ig
There was a moment there and it was a very big growing up moment for me and I think it has a lot to do with the transition from Being bullied to no longer being bullied. And so first of all when I was a very small child, I was five or six years old my babysitter Judy Park she She disappeared and I had a big crush on her so her disappearing was a big thing in my life and about three months later they found her and she’d been killed and and Her murder has never been solved, you know, it’s one of those things but Clifford Olson, I’m sure you remember Oh, yes He took credit for it I think because he had a cash for he had a cash for locations program So he was he took credit for it, but then it turned out it had nothing to do with him But this was in my awareness. That’s a crooked man. It was crooked it was to be a serial killer who will also go to the lengths of of Confessing to murders. He didn’t commit. Well, they’re finding him for body locations That’s a whole nother thing but I grew up with that in my awareness and and and so here I was in Edmonton and one night and I lived in a Actually, the part that I’d left out is after my dad and I reconciled he moved to Vancouver and he left me there So I was still living on my own but at least now in an apartment. Mm-hmm. And one night I was walking home I’d missed my last bus. It’s three in the morning and I was walking home and I had to walk About three kilometers and it was this is in East Edmonton. It’s not the safest area in the world and I’m going up through the alleys because I It’s longer to go on the lit streets. So I just take the alley route and this car pulls up beside me slowly and There’s a guy in the car Doing unacceptable things to himself while watching me as he walked by my car. Oh, yeah fun Mm-hmm and the first thing I did is I went to my back pocket because it was like routine for me to have a switchblade or A butterfly knife and but I had just been out with some friends at a club that had metal detectors So I’m walking down the street and this guy beside me and I’m freaking out and I’ve grown up with this awareness, right? Like there’s we all come to that point where you realize life is actually not permanent and I and I that was six it for me So I was very aware of this situation. The guy kept circling around a bunch of times and As I got closer to my house, I didn’t want him to see where I lived I lived on my own. I’m 15 years old 16 years old So I go into the school ground behind because it was floodlit like crazy To keep all the druggies out and stuff. So I go into the school ground and I climb up the spiral Slide because I figure if I get to the top of the spiral slide, I’m safe Like there’s no way he can get up there without coming up face first, right? Right, so I just climb up there floodlit and plus there’s apartment buildings on all sides of me So there’s witnesses right like I’m in the safest possible place I could be at three o’clock in the morning and He pulls into the school parking lot. I could and he sat there for quite a while and then he opened his car door and And I I don’t It’s all so vivid to me like I The car was yellow. I that’s a long memory to hold on to but and he walked across the grass and as he walked across The grass I contemplated what was going on and I made a very clear decision. I’m gonna kill him Like I’m not I’m I’m just I have no choice if he comes up the ladder Then I’m gonna I’m gonna kick him across the bridge of the nose and when he falls I’m gonna jump on him and keep Jumping until it’s over. I’m done. I’m done. I’m so scared and And and and he came right to the bottom of the ladder and he put one foot on the ladder but one hand on the rail and he looked up to me he goes are you looking for company and I’ll save the actual vernacular that I used for him at that moment, but I was unkind Yeah, and he turned around he walked back to his car and he sat in his car for three hours And I stayed at the top of the slide for three hours. I did not come down and eventually Learning moment learn and you know, but the weirdest thing is I was never bullied after that Ever again what changed I was willing to stand up for myself physically I I just yeah So but what do you think changed like you said you weren’t bullied did that means you were signaling in a different manner, right? Yeah, I saw this in my clients sometimes as a clinician. I would see them integrate their shadow Let’s say and one of the things I really noticed you can actually see this by the way portrayed in the movie the Lion King It’s very interesting because Simba when he’s in an adolescent like a child and an adolescent animated has a facial expression sort of like this, right? It’s like everything’s coming in. He’s like a deer in the head Let’s say then he has this initiation experience where he realizes his affinity with his father and whose and his father has a very Commanding visage a very commanding face very differently animated and these of course Disney level animators are bloody geniuses So they capture these things and the animators flip Simba’s facial configuration at that point so that there’s a Setness and a harshness to the way that he looks at the world It’s as if he’s coming out instead of things coming in right? He’s got a command to him and I’m wondering if that experience that you had Restructured the physiognomy of your posture expression posture. Yeah posture facial expression and reaction eye contact and reaction You know many years ago and this I read this article and it set the foundation for almost all the work that I do today And it was like it influences everything I do and it was an article about two women who were sexually assaulted in Central Park Around about the same time and this investigative journalist followed them after it happened the recovery and what their lives were like after The one woman they both went through it. And of course, there’s a horrible truth about sexual assault. Is that Once you’ve been sexually assaulted once you are significantly more likely to be sexually assaulted again Yeah, and that’s because the kind of people who commit those crimes are spineless, you know Wimpy they go after the week. And so if you do this, yeah, they’re predators and it’s no, they’re not even they’re the wrong Predator almost is complimentary. They’re worse. They’re they’re scavengers. But yeah, well, that’s the parasite element Yeah, and so they they are in any event they both learn this fact that once you’ve you know Because in the clinics in the shelters they tell them these things you have to be careful because it you know now it might happen again The one woman hears that news and the meaning she creates is I am now even more of a victim than I was before Yeah, and she turns to you know a prescription and non prescription medication and suicide attempts and it ruins her whole life Right. Right. So that’s the anxiety route the other woman she She said well, why why are you? Yeah attack the second time. It’s because you’re displaying Fear you bet she went to a self-defense class and she learned some useful things like a credit card held in the right way Swiped across the throat can actually cut it and keys held between the knuckles are an incredibly effective weapon And she learned these things. Yeah, and she started walking down the street differently. And yeah in one example She was out with some friends and they’re like, would you would you like us to would you like us to walk you to your car? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, right, right, you know, and she’s like no, I don’t want you to walk me to my car I will walk myself to my car and pretty soon her friends were like, would you walk me to my car? Right, right. So she starts a self-defense clinic it gets franchised and and she you know, she opens a few of them and she Here’s the telling moment in the interview. The interviewer says to her if you could go back in time and prevent your own right Would you do that? She says no I’m significantly more afraid of the woman that I was before it happened than I am of the event itself Yeah, right. And I when I read that I thought about what those Parasitical predatory types, you know especially with regards to predation on children as they look for children who are uncertain and easily cowed and so that’s another thing for everyone watching and Listening to know if you teach your children to be afraid as their fundamental response to the world You are enabling the people who prey on them because the people who do that will watch and they target children They think they can intimidate into silence Yeah, yeah So that that trembling like a rabbit in the in the evil serpent eye of the predator That’s a very bad strategy for human beings because we’re not rabbits and we don’t use background camouflage as our defense Yeah, yeah, it’s that it’s that calling out of aggression. That’s the right response to predation. That’s interesting You know that you said that you weren’t bullied again after that. Hey, yeah. Yeah, that’s very that’s a very interesting transformation You