https://youtubetranscript.com/?v=YuqxNB7n1w4
If someone’s anxious about something, what you do is you… and it’s getting in their way, you take what they’re anxious about and you define it, because that already delimits it, right? Because one of the problems with being anxious about something is you won’t speak of it. It’s like Voldemort. And then if you don’t speak of it, it’s way bigger than it should be. As soon as you start talking about it, you cut it down to size. And so… and it’s for a bunch of reasons. It’s because you’re not as afraid of as many things as you think, and you’re braver than you know. And more capable. So as soon as you’re brave enough to start talking about what you’re afraid of, then you see that there’s more to you than you thought, and that there’s less to the problem than you thought. And then you can decompose it further into smaller problems, and then you can figure out how to approach those smaller problems. And so… and then it doesn’t seem to me to be that you get less frightened, it seems to be that you get more courageous, which is way better than being less frightened, because there’s lots of things to be frightened about. So if you’re courageous, that really does the trick. Now the question is, what happens if you… like let’s say that you’re… very socially inept, and you don’t know how to introduce yourself, or to make… establish the initial parts of a relationship with anyone. And so then you start putting yourself in situations where you’re required to do that. And so then the question is, how is it technically that you transform? You say, well you learn. Well, we want to be more specific about that. What does it mean that you learn? Well, if you’re dealing with someone who’s particularly socially inept, and you’re doing psychotherapy with them, you might teach them how to shake someone’s hand properly, and say their name, and remember the other person’s name. And so you just practice that with them, so that they have the motoric routine down. So that form of knowledge is built right into your body. It’s like, look at the person, put out your hand, shake it, don’t… not like a dead halibut, but you know, with a reasonable grip. Say your name, don’t mumble it, look at them so that they can hear you, and then when they say their name, try to remember it. And that’s… and then so you can practice that with people, and so then they develop something that’s motoric, right? It’s embedded right in their body. And so… and then you can say to them, well the other thing you can do is when you start a conversation is, don’t sit there thinking about what you’re gonna say next, because then you won’t be paying attention to the person, and you’ll make a fool out of yourself, because you’ll manifest non-sequiturs, right? Because you’ll get out of… it’s like if you’re dancing, and all you’re paying attention to is where your feet are, then you’re gonna step on the other person all the time, so you want to pay attention to the other person, and then whatever automatized social knowledge you have will come to the forefront. So it’s a good thing to know if you’re socially anxious, right? If you’re socially anxious, one of the things you should do is pay way more attention to the person you’re talking to, rather than less, and you should pay as little attention as possible to yourself. So if you feel yourself falling in because you’re anxious, then what you do is you push your attention out and pay attention to the person, because to the degree that you’ve been socialized, then all your automatic responses will kick in. So, but anyway, so you go out into the social world, and you learn to shake someone’s hand, and you learn how to listen to them and ask them questions, because that’s the next thing, because people love… you can’t just ask them random questions, obviously, but if they start talking to you and you don’t understand something about what they’re saying, or maybe something they said is interesting, and you ask them a question, they’re pretty damn happy about that, because it means you’re actually paying attention to them, and people actually love to be paid attention to, because it hardly ever happens. So they really, really like it, and so… Okay, so what’s happening? Well, first of all, you’re mastering the automated motor movements, right? Where to point your eyes, where to put your hands, how to move your lips, like really embodied knowledge, it’s a special kind of memory, and you’re practicing that, and so that’s building new skills for you, and then by listening to the person and watching yourself interact, you’re also generating new abstract information that enables you to conceptualize the world in a different way. So if you go out to ten… you go out and talk to ten different people, or fifty different people, then you get to listen to what those fifty people said, you get to watch how they express themselves, and you gather a corpus of knowledge that changes the way you perceive, that broadens you as a social agent. Okay, so that’s two forms of knowledge, but then there’s a third one, which is really interesting, which is that, you know, you have a lot of biological potential, and it’s hard to know what potential is, but part of it is that you’re capable of generating proteins that you haven’t been generating, so you should get right on that, by the way. So, but the way that works in part is that if you put yourself in a radically new situation, then your brain… there are genetic switches that turn on because of the demands of the new situation, that code for new proteins, so it’s as if you have latent software, that would be one way of thinking about it, that will only be turned on if you go into the situation where that’s necessary. And so then you might think, well, if that’s the case, how much of you could be turned on if you went a whole bunch of different places? And that’s a really, really… that’s a profound question, because one of the deep answers to how you should get your life together is, you should go a very large number of places, and turn yourself on. And I want to walk through that a little bit, because there’s a very rich, symbolic world that expresses that. So, now, the idea about having a code of many colors would be that the person who is the appropriate leader, because remember… or the proper person, which would be the same thing, one of the things that these old stories are trying to express and to figure out is, how is it that you should act? Which is the same as, what constitutes the ideal? Those are the same question. And the hint here with Joseph is, well, you should wear a code of many colors, which means that you should be able to go have a drink in the pub with the guys who are, you know, drywalling your house, and you should be able to have a sophisticated conversation with someone who’s more educated in an abstract way, and that maybe you should be equally comfortable in both situations. Because you might think, well, there’s more… One of the indications that there’s more to you is that you can be put more places and function properly. And that would be a good thing to aim at, because… Here’s the other issue, is that you know perfectly well that the fundamental tragedies of life, and your exposure to malevolence in the course of that life, so those being the worst things, there’s not a lot you can do to alter that fundamentally, because they’re conditions of existence. You’re going to be subject to your vulnerability, and you’re going to be subject to malevolence. That’s that. And you can’t hide from it, because it actually makes it worse. So you’re stuck with it. So then the question is, well, what are your options? And one option is to curse the structure of being for being malevolent and tragic, and fair enough. And the other is to make yourself so damn differentiated, and dynamic, and able, that you’re more than a match for that. Now, that’s not an easy thing, but doesn’t matter, because, like, what’s the alternative? There’s no good alternative, and that’s also worth knowing. So… You see these ideas expressed in the strangest places, and so… We’ve talked a little bit, I think, in this series about Pinocchio, but if we haven’t, it doesn’t matter. You see, there’s Jiminy Cricket at the opening of the Pinocchio movie, pointing to a star, which is roughly the Nativity Star, for all intents and purposes, and… It’s a symbolic indicator of something diamond-like and pure, right? Glimmering in the darkness, that’s transcendent and above the horizon, upon which to fix your eyes. And so that’s… And the thing is, you need that, technically, and the reason you need that is because… We know enough about psychology now to know that almost all of the positive emotion that you’re going to experience in your life, and positive emotion is analgesic, by the way, right? It actually quells pain, so it’s not just positive, it also gets rid of negative, which is a big plus. Almost all the positive emotion that you’re going to feel, you’re going to feel in relationship to a goal. Because you feel positive emotion as you approach a goal. And so, if you want to feel positive emotion, then you need a goal, and then you might think, well, if you want to maximize that positive emotion, which is enthusiasm, and also what pulls you out into the world, as well as feeling good, then you need the best possible goal. Well, because that’s going to engage the largest segments of your being. Like, if your goal is too narrow, then a bunch of you isn’t going to be on board for it, you know? If the goal is well-developed and multifaceted, then all of you can partake in that. Even your negative elements, even your anger and your fear can get on board with that, let’s say. So you need a goal, man, that’s worthy, you got to think… You need a goal that justifies the tragedy and malevolence of life. That seems to be the bottom line. Now, maybe you think, well, there’s no goal that can do that. It’s like, well… There are still better and worse goals. So, and I’m not convinced that there are no goals that can do that. I think that’s an open question. You’d never know that until you pursued the proper goal long enough to find out who you would be as a consequence of pursuing it. That’s also your destiny or your existential voyage, right? It’s also not something that anyone else can do for you. Someone can say, get your act together, for Christ’s sake, and get at it. That’ll make the world unfold best for you, but there’s no way you can know that without doing it. So… And unless you think you’ve done a particularly stellar job of that, then you have no reason to doubt its potential validity. You can’t just say, well, I’m going to do this. You can’t just say, well, I’m going to do this. You can’t just say, well, I’m going to do this. You can’t just say, well, I’m going to do this. You can’t just say, well, I’m going to do this. You can’t just say, well, I’m going to do this. You can’t just say, well, I’m going to do this. You can’t just say, well, I’m going to do this. You can’t just say, well, I’m going to do this. You can’t just say, well, I’m going to do this. You can’t just say, well, I’m going to do this. You can’t just say, well, I’m going to do this. You can’t just say, well, I’m going to do this.