https://youtubetranscript.com/?v=gjCxntjp3z8
When you listen to someone very, very carefully, and you say to them, well, it sounds to me like this is what you’re saying. What you’re doing is taking a tremendous amount of emotionally laden material, a lot of it unnecessary in the final analysis because of the ensuing synthesis, especially if they’re happy to accept it. Because that also means that you did listen to them. So you signified that they were worth attending to. And then you listen to them enough to actually understand what they were saying. And then they’re way happier with you, even if you’re arguing with them, because at least now they know they can rely on you to be a reliable listener. And you know how it is when you’re arguing with someone. There’s a part of you that really wants to win. It’s like, I’m right. You’re stupid and wrong. And so the best way for me to demonstrate that is to warp and bend your argument and some make it trivial in some way. It isn’t, especially if it’s directed to some degree, like elucidating my character and to minimize you in doing so. And if you do that, of course, well, that’s not a great road to peace unless you’re willing to bring a big club to the argument.