https://youtubetranscript.com/?v=l_n10gZk-YM
My agnosticism was not about trying to prove the disbelief of God’s existence. My agnosticism was about me going, you sure have been letting yourself off the hook, McConaughey, Mr. Fatalist, I’ll forgive you again because you’re being a repeat offender and I’m kind of tired of it. Put your damn hands on the wheel, man. Talk to myself. You’re driving here and quit going to this. I can pray and be forgiven, but you repeat offending. Cut it out. I had gone through a few years earlier in my life of of agnosticism where I was not so much trying to prove the non-existence of God as I was trying to have more understand more self-reliance and self-determination on myself because I’d been letting myself off the hook. And how was that related to the agnosticism do you think? Because you put those together in the way that you’re relating this story. Well, I needed to have I needed to I needed to feel like I was wholly responsible for myself and what happened to me that that I was that I was not going to let myself slide. There’s an ideal calling to you then, hey, like when you experience yourself as ashamed by your own behaviors, what that means is that there’s an ideal inside you that’s trying to manifest itself, right? Because you wouldn’t be ashamed if you weren’t comparing yourself to something better. And the question then becomes, well, what is that better thing that you’re comparing yourself to? And it’s an ideal. And then the question becomes, well, what is the ideal? You know, and that’s the sort of fleshing out what that ideal is, is that that’s the function of religious thinking. And so that’s why I was interested in your comment about agnosticism. You know, in Revelation, in the book of Revelation, Christ comes back as a judge. Even though he’s a figure of mercy, let’s say he comes back as a judge. And the reason for that, this is from Carl Jung, the reason for that is that any ideal is a judge. And so if you posit the highest ideal, then you put yourself in a position where you’re judged. And that’s when your conscience tortures you. And so you can discover your ideal that way by having a dialogue with your conscience and say, well, I’m not living up to who I should be. Well, who should that be? Like, where does that figure come from? That’s a great mystery. That it’s your higher, it’s the higher form of being that you’re capable of manifesting that’s calling to you. And let me say this, it was a version of when my father, mortal father died. I write about this about being less impressed and more involved. I sobered up. I mean, it was time to become a man. It was time to quit relying on the fact that I knew he had my back. He was above government, above law. I really got in a pickle. And he had my back. And now he’s physically gone. So this was, I’m going to discard my spiritual father. We’re racing to the red light, buddy. That’s all it is. So what are you doing, Wild Tier? There’s one play and you go until you die. And that’s it. So what are you going to do? Don’t be giving yourself, let yourself off thinking, well, there may be life after this. Stop it. So that’s what I’ve been, I’ve gone through that. I’ve feeling come out of that and was, and I didn’t feel this till later because I allowed myself to stay in the midst of being really scared of, oh my gosh, am I going to get struck by lightning here? Was that my God was going, thank you. Yes. Wish more of us would put our hands on the wheel. What we take, we throw this fate card out there and really lack sedation. Like, oh, in shell, ah, says La Vie. I believe, well, you know, okay, that’s it. Then ride around and run all the red lights, get your damn hands on the wheel. Yes, you are supposed to be self-determined. So that got me and woke me up and sobered me up into that position. Now, the going into the rusting coal, I’ll say this. I found that in my, it’s, I call it like almost like a boomerang reverb. Wherever I am strongest in my own life, I find a, I like to go to the, I actually can inhabit the opposite even better. The deeper I go into whatever would be the creative opposition, meaning when I played prosecuting attorneys, I actually usually believe in the defense’s position more and study their position more. Their position more, which then makes me again, feel like an underdog over here to go, well, I really got to know what my argument is because I actually kind of agree with them. When I played defense attorneys, I’ll usually agree or push myself to a point of agreeing with the prosecution. Well, at a time where my faith was the most fulfilled, rusting coal was like, ah, here’s another great. Here’s another, what I call a boomerang reverb. Here’s another time to go way over to the opposite side of the road. Here’s another time to go way over to the opposite side because I’m so coming out of here with so much steam and where I am and what I really believe in how I’m feeling in life. You got newborn children and all the things that are opposition that I haven’t in my life opposition to what rusting coal, rusting coal was. That was, I don’t know why that is, but I’ve all, I look back and I have had a consistency of that, of wherever I am in my life. Sometimes I’ll lay in and go play a character that I’m calling, but I’m also feeling like I’m drawing something. Well, now that you’re so secure here, let’s test it. Let’s go all the way to the other side because over there, because I feel so strong position, say at that time with my faith. Now I have the strength to go and have it somebody over there that is on the opposite side. And not have to keep my eyes open to make sure the door’s open. I can trust that the door can be shut and I’ll still be there when I’m done with this. I’m still, it’s still happening. You have to see it because I don’t want to see it. If I’m peeking over there going, hey, are we okay? God, are we okay with what I’m saying and doing it? No, no, no. Now I’m half assing it. Now I’m not really inhabiting the part. I’m playing rusting coal going, I believe everything he says. I actually thought rusting coal was hilarious, which you probably would now understand by, I’ve laughed at two comments that from things that you said about the other people that spoke like rusting coal. Yeah, well, things can be dark enough so that the immediate response to them can be laughter. Yeah, so that may help explain what you’re asking, but I don’t know why that is. I don’t know why that is for me. It’s not a straightforward thing to sort out. Let me ask you a little bit more about fame. So, you know, now and then you see stories, true or not, about Hollywood celebrities who are irritated with the consequences of their fame, and it’s very easy to be judgmental about that because there are obviously the benefits to that fame appear obvious. Monetary gain, access to opportunity, the benefits, I suppose, of the ego benefits perhaps of being known rather than unknown. And then especially in the Hollywood community, I would say it’s more difficult to generate sympathy for celebrities who are hurt by their fame because the price, it’s so obvious that that’s the price that has to be paid to be successful in something that’s mass marketed like a movie where your face is associated with the product, right? You can’t extract out the success. You can’t distinguish between the success and the fame. But, but, I don’t think it’s possible to understand what fame does to your life until it’s happened to you.