https://youtubetranscript.com/?v=VUA6uqO9keY
What’s my advice to young men seeking a woman for marriage and family? You can’t Eliminate the necessity of being attracted to one another that’s important and that’s mysterious, you know So for example, here’s a funny thing One of the things we know that attracts people to one another is bilateral symmetry and so if you take men and you rank them by the symmetry of their faces And then you give the asymmetrical men t-shirts to wear clean t-shirts for a day and the symmetrical men Clean t-shirts to wear for a day and then you give the t-shirts to women and you have them rate the the odor The women rate the odor of the symmetrical men as more attractive than the odor of the asymmetrical men and there are other Factors that determine sexual attractiveness that are based on biological factors that are so that deeply embedded in terms of smell for example, so women also tend to Not be sexually attracted to the to the scent of men Who’s who have if I remember correctly, it’s our age factors that would make for potential trouble in childbirth and the Often the reason that the women give for not preferring the scent of those men is that they smell too much like their brother Something like that So there is weird mysterious things that determine whether or not people are sexually and physically attracted to each other And I think it’s very important that that’s part of a marital relationship the next most important thing is trust man, it’s like There there’s no marriage that’s successful without trust you guys you’ve got to tell each other the truth and one of the reasons that you believe that Marriage as a and an oath and a carl jung as a bond was necessary. It’s really wise It’s like, you know telling the truth to someone is no simple thing because there’s a bunch of things about all of us that are terrible and weak and reprehensible and shameful and all of those things and they kind of have to be brought out into the open and dealt with and You’re not going to tell the truth about yourself to someone who can run away screaming when you reveal who you are And so the the marriage bond is something like okay, here’s the deal I’m going to handcuff myself to you and you’re going to handcuff yourself to me And then we’re going to tell each other the truth and neither of us are going to get to run away And so our once we know the truth then we’re either going to live together in mutual torment Or we’re going to try to deal with that truth and straighten ourselves out and straighten ourselves out jointly And that’s going to make us us more powerful and more resilient and deeper and wiser as we progress together through life And and I think that’s absolutely brilliant because if you leave a back door open man, you’re going to use it That’s for sure and the oath is there and this was jung’s commentary on the spiritualization of of the human pair born by christian marriage, for example, which would emphasize What would you call it? The subordination of both members of the marital? Union to a higher order uh Personality that was embodied in the figure of the logos. So the idea is that in in in the christian marriage, for example The man isn’t the boss and the woman isn’t the boss. The boss is the mutual personality Composed by the seeking of truth in both of them and that’s conceptualized as there’s their joint subjugation to the logos And that is absolutely dead on man It’s like the ruler of your marital life should be your vow to tell each other the truth because Like in hard times during your life when you’ve done something stupid and idiotic that might take you down And you don’t have anybody that you can turn to you know, if you have a partner that you can trust you can go say Hey, you know, I made a big financial mistake man, and it’s really torturing me And I feel like a complete idiot and it’s really dangerous and the person there is going to help you Figure out what to do about it and they’re going to know that when they make a stupid mistake and they’re bloody well going to that they can come and talk to you and that you guys are going to work your way through it and That’s a big deal. And there’s a couple of things our culture gets really wrong. And one is it devalues marriage that’s really a very bad idea because marriages marriage is like a third of your life and maybe more and kids are a third of your life and your Your your life outside of marriage and kids is a third of your life you know Approximately speaking and to miss any of that is a massive massive mistake now Having said that I will also say that for some people missing one or more of those is necessary because they have a reason You know, maybe they’re brilliantly creative artists and they need to devote themselves entirely to their career or they’re outstanding in some way And so they need they can justify the sacrifice of one part of that try out of being to another part But for but generally speaking it’s a very dangerous thing and and it it shouldn’t be done And also kids get an absolutely terrible rap, you know because kids are delightful if they’re well behaved One of the chapters in my new book is called don’t let your children do anything that makes you dislike them And you can do that, especially if you discuss it thoroughly with your spouse You’re the person that’s helping you discipline the kids and children are the best company Because they’re really enthusiastic about everything they love doing new things they really love you so they’re happy that you’re around um All you have to do is make sure they’re not too hot and they’re not too cold and they’ve had something to eat And they’re not too tired and you don’t expect them to stay engaged in something For longer than they can manage because we used to take our kids when they were little out to restaurants, for example And they could sit there. No problem and behave really nicely when they were two and three But they couldn’t do it for more than about 45 minutes you can’t push your luck But I also noticed with little kids is that they got antsy and unreasonable About five to ten minutes before the adults did too. It’s just the adults were too stupid to notice The kids would notice right away So back to marriage well You look for someone that you’re attracted to that you love and then you look for someone that you can bloody well trust And then you tell them the truth and and that way maybe you can get through life and you can have someone to weave The rope of your being with And together to make to make your joint rope stronger and you can have some continuity in your narrative and you can have children And then you can have grandchildren and like you can have a life man, and there’s nothing You’re so fortunate if you can manage that and also, you know marry someone you think would be a good mother and that has enough sense Generally speaking to know that she wants children now some women don’t want children and fair enough and some women perhaps shouldn’t have children that’s also possible, but The general rule of thumb is especially once a woman’s you know in her mid-20s If she doesn’t know that she wants children Or won’t admit it unless she has a viciously important reason then she’s not Oriented properly psychologically. She she she isn’t she doesn’t know what’s important in life Now that might also be the case with you and it probably is but as a rule of thumb, that’s a really good one You You