https://youtubetranscript.com/?v=B9Oouy7GA04
One of the things that torments me constantly is, and I think it’s really hurt me to discover this, is I had no idea how deep the desperation was for people who lack encouragement. It’s just because every time I talk about this, it makes me tear up because of what I’ve seen, but all these people that I’ve met now, I spoke when I went on my book tour, which was an unbelievable event, an unbelievably positive event, but also I would even say to somebody, traumatically positive, like it was just too much. I really loved it, but to see the depth of hunger that people had for an encouraging word was unbelievably tragic, and for people to come up to me repeatedly, over and over and over, hundreds, maybe thousands of times and say, you know, I was in such desperate straits, looking for some encouragement, unable to find it, and then, you know, I came across your lectures, I thought, Jesus, it’s pretty thin gruel to feed a starving population. I mean, I’m absolutely pleased beyond belief that people have found what I’ve done useful, but that doesn’t decrease the impact of the realization of just how hurt, how much hurt there is, and it is hurt that’s ground in a lack of encouragement. I have that, I’ve been encouraged my whole life, and that could easily be part of what… Now, you know, I also thought somewhat in a calculated way about this, like, and I don’t know how far this goes back, but I also organized my life so that I was standing, I had legs out in many directions, I had a clinical practice, I had a business, I had my professorship, I had my writing, you know, I had multiple sources of income in pretty independent areas, and so I did that in part to maximize my capacity for freedom. I thought, well, and this wasn’t something I think I thought explicitly, you know, it was part of what unfolded in my life across time. It wasn’t easy to take me out, although I’ve been taken out a lot, I’ve been out like far more than I thought might be possible. I can’t separate that exactly from intrinsic health problems, you know, but I, despite my, you know, I don’t have, it isn’t obvious to me that I can go back to the university. I’m still employed there, I’m on leave, they would take me back. I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t have my clinical practice anymore, which I really miss. I love doing that. And that was 20 hours a week, you know, I, so that’s a lot of time. I finished writing this book, but I’m not writing right now. And so a lot of, I don’t have any pressing financial concerns. And so that’s that, of course, that’s a huge privilege, a huge benefit. And thank God for that. But despite me being distributed like that, I was still taken out pretty hard. So, Yes. Well, you, you know, I, I confess, I have wondered, while you were in communicado over the last year, whether that was just Goliath’s good fortune, or if there might be something more to it, because you were such a singular voice at the point that Tammy got sick, and then you did, that obviously, it was a tremendous blow to those of us in intellectual dark web space in our ability to, to fight and to hold the line. Inflation has consequences. As the Fed raises interest rates to combat out of control government spending, long term bonds are diminishing in value, which is crippling the banks. Depositors are holding their breath and investors are bailing on bank stocks. Diversification has never been more important. The recent surge in gold prices is directly tied to an extremely volatile market. This is why gold has historically been a great hedge against the stock market and against inflation. Trust the experts at Birch Gold Group to help you diversify into gold. 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The same thing happened that had happened to me before when journalists had written a hit piece about me. It was extremely stressful because when it happens, you do not know which way it’s going to go and you know, you can get unlucky and a number of bad things can happen to you simultaneously. All that has to happen is for that to happen once to exceed your capacity to deal with the number of bad things and you’re out. That’s basically an accident. I really think that’s what happened to me in the last few years is that everything that happened socially was unbelievably stressful, positive and negative. You know, the positive end of it was extremely intense and amazingly compelling and interesting, but the negative end was really, really stressful. You know, and I notice what happens to people generally speaking and I don’t think I’m making this up is, you know, I’ve watched the typical person who gets mobbed on Twitter will get mobbed by 20 people and it’ll last for two or three days and they’ll apologize like, man, they’re so stressed out, they retreat right away and it’s really hard on them. You know, and that happened to me like, I don’t know how many times, 100 times, 200 times and really publicly, you know, I’ve been called every bloody name in the book and that’s been really literally, I mean, I remember one day where I was called a Jewish shill and a Nazi the same day, you know, by two competing publications and I thought maybe they canceled each other out, you know, but, and that’s been very hard on my family, you know, and although they’re doing reasonably well under the circumstances, but then, you know, Tammy got sick terribly and in a really nasty way and then her surgery was complications multiplied and she was near death daily for months and then this proclivity I had for depression seemed to have become untreatable and that took me out and so, and I’m still struggling with that, you know, I get up, I can hardly stand up when I wake up in the morning, I feel so bad, I can’t believe I can be alive and feel that bad, I stumble downstairs and I’m in the sauna for about an hour and a half and then I can stand up long enough to have a shower, which I do for about 20 minutes and I scrub myself from top to bottom trying to wake up and then I can more or less get upstairs and I eat and then I go for a walk like 10 miles every day because I need to do that in order to deal with this whatever it is that’s plaguing me and I can get myself to the point where by this time in the afternoon I’m more or less functional but then it repeats the next day and so and it’s so my god that’s terrible, it is it’s terrible, it’s so terrible, it’s so terrible that I can’t think about it without it being traumatic so I have a hard time figuring out where to place my mind because this has been happening, it’s been happening every day really for two years, I think it’s fair to say that every single day of the last two years has been worse than any day I had previous to that. Oh my goodness and what a predicament you’re in then because you know I can hear, I would guess it anyway knowing you and knowing of you in the way that I do but you’re caught in this predicament where that’s really intolerable and frankly most people wouldn’t tolerate it but you also know that there is both at the level of your family and at the level of those who admire you and listen to you and are waiting to hear the little bits of affirmation that they need, the little bits of guidance that they were unable to get in the world, you know how much good comes from your facing that what sounds like a completely excruciating existence. Yeah it’s perverse beyond comprehensibility which is sort of the hallmark of a traumatizing experience because it is exactly that and I look at it and I can’t wrap my mind around it, it well and also that my degree of exposure, you know when I decided to make those videos I was playing with YouTube and I was playing with fire like YouTube is fire in a way social media is fire in a way that is unimaginable, it’s so powerful. YouTube will see but YouTube demolishes the printing press in terms of its long-term significance because now you can do with video and audio what you did with print and it’s way easier you have access to a massive audience with no intermediaries whatsoever and you know I don’t know really how to grapple with that either how to comprehend it. you